Morning Pillow Self Talk

It starts at 5:15am.

The sound of the alarm is supposed to give the impression that the Earth is turning and raising it’s face to the sun. I picked it because I believe it will make me feel good about facing the day myself. But being wrapped here in my cocoon feels so much better than that. And then it starts…the internal dialogue that plagues any depressive…..

Mind – Hit snooze, we could lay here all day.
Soul – That’s a different version of the life we want to live.
Body – OMG everything hurts…whatever we decide will be fine.
M – Was that nine minutes already…hit it again, it’s only 5:30…
B – Yep…
S – Our dog is over there snoring.  Where is the cat?
M – Seriously – did we even sleep just now. What time is our first meeting? Let’s just reset the alarm for 6:30, we can trampoline when we get home from work.

The body responds without hesitation.  The alarm is reset, the intention we set as we went to bed last night abandoned.  The rationale is being formulated as we hug our pillow and try to drift back to sleep….

B – We have to pee.
M – We can hold it.
B – We have to pee.
M – Where is the cat?
S – It’s nearly 6am…We’re not going to trampoline  when we get home, we’re going to be exhausted and we’re going to just want to chill.  How is this executing on the goals that we’ve set?
M – We’re listening to our body…we need rest…we stayed up too late…we need to recover from the lack of sleep last night, we’re not getting nearly enough sleep.
B – We have to pee.
S – We can still get 30 minutes in at the pool and make the 8am meeting.  Get out of bed…

And that’s how it goes….not every day….but most days…this conversation…this…I could lay here all day…this…do I really need to go out there…this….I just don’t have it in me…and just about every day…I get out of bed…I go to the pool…I live the life I need to live to achieve the goals I’ve set. And I come home to my dog and my cat and I’m grateful for the work I did for the day, and I’m grateful for them and I’m grateful for the life I’m living. And then…I go to bed and do it all over again.  Not because I want to, but because I have to.  Because I wouldn’t be alive if I didn’t, I would barely be living.

I’m fascinated by those people that end up trapped in their homes because they eat and eat and eat so much that they have to be cut out of the room they’re in.  What is that internal dialogue like?  What pain brought that soul to that place?  Does it need to be understood to be embraced and healed?  It’s hard to let something go when we’ve identified with it for so long.  It’s so much a part of who we were, and who we are, and who we are becoming.

And it’s the becoming that’s the result of that internal dialogue.  The one we have in the early mornings; body, mind and soul, as the earth turns it’s face to the sun and we turn to face the day.

 

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  189. When I originally commented I appear to have clicked the -Notify me when new comments are added- checkbox and from now on every time a comment is added I recieve 4 emails with the same comment. There has to be a way you can remove me from that service? Kudos!

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  194. When I initially commented I appear to have clicked on the -Notify me when new comments are added- checkbox and from now on whenever a comment is added I get four emails with the same comment. There has to be a way you can remove me from that service? Kudos!

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  229. The next time I read a blog, Hopefully it won’t disappoint me just as much as this one. After all, I know it was my choice to read through, nonetheless I truly believed you would have something interesting to talk about. All I hear is a bunch of complaining about something that you could possibly fix if you weren’t too busy looking for attention.

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  232. Having read this I believed it was extremely informative. I appreciate you finding the time and effort to put this content together. I once again find myself spending way too much time both reading and posting comments. But so what, it was still worthwhile!

  233. An impressive share! I have just forwarded this onto a colleague who has been conducting a little homework on this. And he in fact bought me dinner simply because I found it for him… lol. So allow me to reword this…. Thanks for the meal!! But yeah, thanks for spending the time to talk about this matter here on your web page.

  234. A motivating discussion is definitely worth comment. I think that you ought to publish more on this topic, it might not be a taboo matter but usually people don’t discuss these subjects. To the next! Cheers!!

  235. After I originally commented I appear to have clicked on the -Notify me when new comments are added- checkbox and from now on every time a comment is added I recieve 4 emails with the same comment. Is there a means you are able to remove me from that service? Cheers!

  236. Aw, this was an extremely nice post. Spending some time and actual effort to create a very good article… but what can I say… I put things off a lot and don’t manage to get nearly anything done.

  237. May I just say what a comfort to discover someone who really knows what they are talking about on the internet. You actually understand how to bring a problem to light and make it important. More people need to read this and understand this side of your story. It’s surprising you’re not more popular because you definitely possess the gift.

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  253. When I originally commented I appear to have clicked on the -Notify me when new comments are added- checkbox and from now on every time a comment is added I get four emails with the same comment. Is there a way you can remove me from that service? Thanks a lot!

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